


In Order to Gain, You Must Lose

by bleedinglight



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Be Careful What You Wish For, Guilt, M/M, mentions of bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22117510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleedinglight/pseuds/bleedinglight
Summary: There were times when I wished I didn’t know you. There were times when I wished you were dead. As I opened my eyes—You were gone.And I was left behind.
Relationships: Vanitas/Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	In Order to Gain, You Must Lose

**Author's Note:**

> This has not been edited.

Everyone knew that they didn’t quite get along.

It was ironic.

They were best friends since childhood, though the term ‘friends’ was best held loosely. Their parents thought it would be best for them to get acquainted with one another. They were the only children around each other’s age at the time, so they were often left together to play with. Their childhood consisted of arguments and fighting, of broken bones and bruises. Rarely were there times when they would get along even as they grew up and their fighting began to mellow out.

Everyone knew that they didn’t get along.

But they were all each other had.

But growing up had a way of changing how things can be. There were times when friends drifted apart or when they would grow closer. They were times when the fighting would grow out of control and become so broken that it can’t be mended.

Like now.

Ventus watched Vanitas walk away, blinking back tears that were stinging in his eyes.

It had been one of their worst fights. The two of them grew close in the same way that they grew apart. It wasn’t as if their relationship was anything odd in the eyes of their friends and family; in fact, Aqua and Terra often stated their worry with Ventus continuing to be friends with Vanitas. But their fighting just seemed to escalate more and more nowadays, especially when Ventus felt like he was the one trying to keep things together. He was so afraid of being left behind by Vanitas that him being called ‘clingy’ was nothing more than the truth.

Vanitas was finding himself in the same way every young adult was.

Trying to find out his place in the world, where he would be in the future, what kind of life he would end up living.

He was doing the same thing, so why did it hurt when Vanitas told him that they couldn’t do it together?

Ventus slowly closed his eyes, trying his best to will the tears to stop.

They had known each other since childhood.

In a way, they were supposed to walk down the same path together.

Yet why did it feel like he was the only one who was forced to stop in his tracks?

Ventus jerked a bit when a sudden bang went off and everything went black.

\---

Ventus was annoying.

Vanitas growled curses to himself as he threw himself onto his bed, ignoring his mother’s worries and Sora’s questions. He didn’t understand why the blond seemed so intent of being friends with him. Throughout their childhood, their parents just threw them together as a way to be rid of them for a few hours. From the moment he saw that blond hair and perky smile, Vanitas hated him.

Why Ventus thought they were friends in the first place was lost on him.

So, Vanitas grew up with an annoying leech attached to him. It didn’t help at all that Sora had quickly grown so attached to Ventus from the moment he was born, deeming him to be the ‘best big brother’ in the world! The little brat just made Vanitas’ life ten times harder with that stunt and only seemed to solidify Ventus’ presence in Vanitas’ life in a way he wished the blond wouldn’t. He acted out; he tried his best to get rid of the blond from his life. He couldn’t even understand why their parents wanted them to be friends when they knew that they weren’t compatible with one another.

Hell, the moment Sora let slip that Ventus had a crush on him, Vanitas decided to use it to his advantage. He would make fun of Ventus for it. That he had to ‘settle’ with the lowest of the low since no one else would bother to give him any attention. That Zack was too engrossed in either that Aerith girl or Cloud boy to give him any attention. That Ephemer was too busy putting him in the friendzone to look at him romantically. So, Vanitas was the one he settled on and Vanitas did everything he could to hurt Ventus’ feelings.

He knew that it did.

But Ventus was stubborn and told him straight out that Vanitas could make fun of him all he wanted, but he wasn’t going to stop being his friend. Even if they weren’t the best of friends like Sora and Riku were, or even Ephemer and Skuld, they were still friends.

Eventually, it would spiral to their last fight.

_“Can’t you just get off my back?!” Vanitas snarled at him, throwing Ventus’ arm off of him. “For once, just for once, leave me alone!”_

_Ventus frowned at him._

_“Vanitas, just listen—”_

_“No! Just fucking leave me alone already. I don’t need a two-bit loser like you. Enough with your clinginess already and go find someone else to leech off of. Or does everyone realize just what kind of loser you are that you think being attached to me is the best option? Here’s news for you: no one cares about you. No one would even bat an eye in your direction. They just pity you because you’re just so clingy to people and don’t know how to fend for yourself. So just—go away and leave the rest of us alone!”_

_Something flickered in Ventus’ eyes and for once, he seemed to stop breathing._

_Vanitas didn’t care._

_“Maybe your parents were right. You were just an accident that they needed to get rid of.”_

_With those parting words, Vanitas walked away from Ventus._

Vanitas knew that the moment Sora heard about the fight, his annoying little brother would grow to become even more of a pest. Ventus always did tell him everything.

“God, I wish you would just stay out of my life already,” Vanitas muttered as he closed his eyes, determined to forget everything about what happened.

\---

Something felt wrong.

It had been a few days since Vanitas had last seen Ventus. It wasn’t as if he was expecting to see the blond again, but normally Ventus was the kind of person who was so headstrong it would take an army to get him to listen. The first day that he didn’t see Ventus, he was relieved. He didn’t feel up to confronting the blond again so soon. It was more of a plus that Sora didn’t even talk to him about it, which meant that Ventus hadn’t told him.

Vanitas enjoyed his life.

He enjoyed the freedom he was suddenly granted.

No Ventus. No annoying nagging from over his shoulder.

Just as how it was supposed to be—

So then… _why did something feel so wrong?_

It nagged at Vanitas that very first day, but he tried his best to ignore it. He spent his first day doing whatever he wanted. He let himself fall into the vices of his life, let himself be tugged along and let loose in the society he was forced to live in. He didn’t even bother acknowledging Sora that first day, too happy to not have to deal with Ventus for the first time since he could remember.

The second day, he repeated the first day. Freedom. No nagging. No annoying blonde—

But then the third day came.

Then the fourth.

Before he knew it, a week had passed and Vanitas hadn’t seen any signs of the blond. It was as if he had just disappeared. It was even stranger when Sora didn’t mention Ventus at all during the week to him. No brother bugging him about trying to make up with Ventus or even try to pry what happened between them. Not even Lauriam or Ephemer approached him, and Vanitas knew how those two could get sometimes whenever Ventus was involved. Fortunately, he didn’t hear from Aqua and Terra, but even that in itself was suspicious to him.

He knew Ventus was stubborn, but did he really think Vanitas would be the first to step up and apologize? There was nothing to even apologize _for_. Ventus was just being petty.

He was.

He _was_.

He—

Vanitas glared at his phone, waiting for Ventus’ name to pop up. In the past, even when they argued, Ventus would still text him or even try to call him sometimes to remind him to eat properly. It annoyed Vanitas greatly, often deleting the messages and he was even tempted to block Ventus sometimes, but he couldn’t. Deleting the messages just seemed easier. Now he didn’t even get a single message from the blond.

It just didn’t feel right to him.

Groaning, Vanitas finally unlocked his phone and tapped on the messages app, staring when he couldn’t even find Ventus’ name on the list. There weren’t many people who texted him (usually Sora or his mom were the only other ones to bother), but Ventus’ name wasn’t there. Eyebrows furrowing, he began searching through his contacts list, golden eyes scanning over each name.

Nothing.

No Ventus.

Vanitas frowned and stood up, leaving the room to find Sora.

“Sora!”

Sora jerked a bit at the sudden call of his name, almost falling off the couch. He blinked up at Vanitas owlishly, a piece of a cookie dangling from his lips. The younger of the two quickly swallowed the cookie and eyed his brother in concern.

“Vanitas? What’s wrong?”

“Did you delete Ventus’ number from my phone?” Vanitas frowned at him, holding up the phone. “Give me his number.”

Sora stared at him. Then his eyebrows furrowed. “Uh, Vani. I don’t even know who ‘Ventus’ is. Is he some kind of imaginary friend?”

“What are you talking about? I’m talking about Ventus! How can you not know who Ventus is? You’ve been attached to him ever since the day you were born.”

“Vani—I don’t know any Ventus. Sorry.”

Vanitas stared at him. He clicked his tongue and snatched Sora’s phone, ignoring his yelp of protest. Placing his hand on his head to push him down when Sora attempted to try to take his phone back, he easily unlocked his phone and began to look through his contacts list. When he didn’t see Ventus’ name, he gritted his teeth.

“Sora, this isn’t funny. Give me Ventus’ number—now!”

Sora glared at him, snatching his phone away from him.

“I told you that I don’t know any Ventus!” he huffed, tucking his phone away for safety. “But he must be really important to you if you’re freaking out about like this. Maybe you should go find where he lives or something.”

Vanitas glared back, turning away from him and practically stomped out of the house.

There was no way Ventus could just disappear like that. There was no way. This was just some cruel prank everyone was playing on him. The moment he found Ventus, he was going to give him a piece of his mind. This was too far, even for him. Why the hell—

“You seem kind of lost there.” A gentle voice. Soft.

It had Vanitas turning around, furrowing his eyebrows when he saw a girl standing there.

She smiled at him amiably. “Are you looking for someone?”

“Who the fuck are you? I don’t have the time.”

“You got your wish,” the girl told him. “You wished that he was out of your life, so he is. So why are you looking for someone?”

Oh, that had his blood boiling. He glared at her. “You’re the one responsible? Give him back--!”

“Why? You made the wish. So he’s gone. Bam. Poof.” She even made a gesture with her hands, miming an explosion. It made him irritated. “No Ventus in your life. No nagging. No one to bother you ever again. You had a whole week of freedom from him, so why are you looking for him now?”

“It doesn’t matter what I wished for! You don’t mess with people’s lives!” Vanitas reached out and grabbed the front of her shirt. “Bring him back!”

The girl eyed him for a moment. “Even if I do, it might be too late.”

“What are you—”

Vanitas jerked when his surroundings suddenly changed.

He was standing in a hospital.

Why was he—

Vanitas looked over when he heard sobbing. Slowly, as if his own feet were directing him, he found Sora sobbing in their mother’s arms. Why was he crying? Vanitas stopped beside his family, looking over in the direction of where they were looking at and felt his heart stop.

Ventus—

He was laying in that hospital bed. There was an oxygen mask over his mouth, but he could see the bandages wrapped around his torso. Vanitas can’t help but stare, placing his hand on the glass.

How did Ventus get hurt?

Vanitas let himself into the room, knowing his brother and mother were too preoccupied with each other to even notice his presence right now. Walking over to the blond, he peered down at him, pale fingers shakily reaching out to stroke his cheek.

_“Maybe your parents were right. You were just an accident they needed to get rid of.”_

Those words echoed in his head and Vanitas wanted to knock himself stupid.

Ventus lost his parents a year ago and his own parents had offered to take him in. Of course, the blond didn’t and lived on his own instead. Vanitas knew how much it ate at the blond, knew that Ephemer, Aqua, and Terra would take their time to go visit him and make sure he was okay. Hell, Vanitas visited him often enough himself to make sure that Ventus didn’t die of self-neglection.

He hated Ventus.

He hated how bright he still seemed to be after his parents’ deaths. He hated how Ventus was always there for him even when Vanitas hit his lowest after his father died. He hated that he grew to depend on Ventus when he knew he was doing something stupid and Ventus was the only one who had the courage to drag him out of it. He hated how Ventus was the only one who can see through his anger and hurt with biting words. But he hated Ventus more for not coming to _him_ for help when he felt like he was breaking.

He was jealous.

He was jealous of how close Sora and Ventus were. He was jealous of the friends that seemed to flock around Ventus, the very same friends who would probably tear down a whole country for him if he asked. He was jealous that even though they were the ones their parents slapped together, it always felt like he was the one falling behind while Ventus moved forward.

Vanitas took a deep breath, choked and he realized there were tears streaming down his cheeks.

Of course, he would end up crying…

“You have to wake up,” he murmured, fingers tracing down the length of Ventus’ arm before curling around his hand. “You have to wake up. I’m sorry for being an asshole. I’m sorry for saying all of those things to you. Please wake up. I can’t lose you, too.”

Leaning down, he gently pressed his forehead against Ventus’ and closed his eyes.

“Open your eyes.”

_There were times when I hated you._

_There were times when I wished you were dead._

_But when I opened my eyes, you were gone._

_And I was left behind._

_A world without you is meaningless._

_There is no light._

_As I let myself drown in the darkness,_

_I close my eyes_

_And hope that when I open them_

_You’d be there, waiting for me._


End file.
